From the Farm: The Lonely Side of Change

So, I’m putting myself out there.

You all know I’ve spent the last eight months completely changing the way I’ve been eating.

Fact is, I’ve lost a lot of weight in the process. Fact is, my body is finally looking better. But the fact also is that I’ve been extremely lonely through this journey, especially these past four to six weeks.

You see, food isn’t just an addiction for me. It’s been my connection to the land of the living. My social outlet. My fellowship with family and friends.

And frankly, these past eight months have come with a great deal of loneliness. A separation, if you will, from people with whom I once spent a significant part of my life.

“I’ll get on a dating site and look for some companionship,” I thought.

So, I signed up for a couple, looked through the candidates, and discovered that none really fit the standards I’d set for myself.

I’m okay with that now. I’ve basically stopped looking.

But I’ve found myself questioning whether I’d rather weigh a little more and be happy or continue isolating myself as I work toward my goal.

It’s ugly. It’s not fun.

I think that’s part of why I’ve been experimenting with so many international cuisines lately. Variety is the spice of life, so they say.

Trying new recipes gives my mind something to do besides sitting here at home by myself. It gives me something to look forward to when I’m not enjoying meals at Mom’s or sharing in the desserts I’m so often preparing for others.

I didn’t have time to be lonely over the summer. My days were packed with farmers markets, baking, and chatting with people across my vendor table.

I guess I hadn’t really expected how much I’d miss all of that once school started back.

But here I am, wallowing in a little self-pity today.

Perhaps I need to find something to do besides vegging out in front of Netflix or Amazon Prime. Maybe I’ll take up walking now that the weather is cooling off. At least that would help push me a little further toward my goal.

I don’t regret the changes I’ve made. I just didn’t anticipate how lonely some of those changes would feel.

And maybe that’s the part of this journey I need to work on next.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us:

“There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—”

Perhaps this is simply another season of my life. A season of change, of learning, of letting go of some things and discovering others. I don’t particularly enjoy this season, and I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I do know that Yahweh hasn’t abandoned me in the middle of it.

So, for now, I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other, trusting Him to guide my steps.

And in the meantime, keep watching for my international dishes. They’re keeping me somewhat entertained these days, and who knows? Maybe I’ll discover a few new favorites along the way.